I once spent an entire Christmas locked in a bank. David’s team. By an entire Christmas, what are we talking? All 12 days, I’m assuming. No, Christmas Eve until about 7.00 on Boxing night. – On Boxing night?
– Yes. When the bank opened for the usual Boxing Day evening. – No, somebody came to let me out.
– Which bank? It was a merchant bank. I was working as a security guard and I’d elected, due to personal trauma, that I’d spend my Christmas working overtime, guarding Hill Samuel in Victoria. And then they forgot about you. No, because there was a rush on at Christmas, I never got relieved on Christmas morning. – A rush on.
– Oh, we all look forward to that. I mean, in the Brydon household, I have to say, it’s my one Christmas treat. It was the Christmas after John Lennon got assassinated. And you had to go into hiding? I don’t ever remember you being implicated in this. – You see, I was living with a girl in Streatham.
– Yeah, Yoko. No. And we split up because she was seeing somebody else. John Lennon. So I needed to get a job and, you know, I wanted to be a bit of a martyr so I said I’d work the Christmas shift as a security guard. Like many of the great martyrs through history. – Dave, answer me this.
– Yes, certainly, Griff. You went through a period where you were so lonely and down that you didn’t have any family of any kind whatsoever who were saying, come home for Christmas and come and…? No, but they laughed themselves silly when I phoned them up on Christmas Day and told them where I was. How did you do that? There was a phone in the bank. What sort of bank is this, with a phone in it? I, honestly, I’ve tried to phone a bank over and over again. So there’s a phone in the bank, why did you only use it to phone your family and not to phone someone who could have released you from the bank? Oh, I kept phoning. I kept phoning. It was a firm in Croydon that had employed me and I kept phoning them and they said they had nobody in to hold on. So I held on right through, like, four shifts. – And you accepted that?
– Oh, no, I was locked in the bank. – So at 8.00…
– And I couldn’t get out. When you’re a guard in the bank, they lock you in. They don’t lock you in surely, in the bank? Well, they wouldn’t give me the keys. I was only 22. Sorry, that’s how a merchant bank ensures its security over Christmas? It locks a 22-year-old in there and they go, it’s all right if anyone breaks in, the 22-year-old will handle it. No, but I had a phone, you see. I could have phoned for the police. What were you supposed to do if the burglars all come in? Ring Croydon, they say, we’ll have someone there in the next 36 hours. How did you actually celebrate Christmas? I mean, what did you do to mark it? Before I went to work, I did take myself a small capon, I stuffed it, little sausages and everything and I put it by my, you know, away, and I looked forward to it. But when I got back on Boxing night, the cat had had my capon cos I forgot to put it away. The cat was wearing your cape? No, a capon, it’s like a type of chicken. – Oh, sorry.
– I didn’t even have a Christmas dinner. – The cat with a cape on.
– The cat wasn’t wearing the apron. – He said…
– The cat’s there taking over doing the frying going, well, he’s gone I might as well look after myself. – No, no, no, no, no.
– It’s like a big chicken. He clearly said, I came back and the cat had my cape on. So, David, what are you thinking? There is only one person who can answer this question here in this room, so we’re going to have to turn to you, Jimmy. I wouldn’t have thought there were many merchant banks in Victoria. I don’t really know much about banks in Victoria, if it was in Jersey I’d… LAUGHTER ..I’m your man. So is it the truth? – I think true.
– Do you? I like the detail, the cat, the capon, I love the story, I’d like to buy the rights. – We think it’s true.
– True, we think it’s true. – You all think it’s true.
– Absolutely true. Dave, truth or lie? Sadly, it’s true. Yes, it’s true.